Monday, January 5, 2009

New Year Limbo

This is the first year I have actively NOT made a resolution. Each time I start to consider, "Should I focus on xxx this year? Make a plan to xxx?", I stop myself. It makes more sense to me to apply myself more genuinely and my efforts to being a better person, a healthier weight, spend less frivolously (time and money) because I WANT to - not because the start of the new calendar year tells me to.

I want to be more true to my feelings and follow my heart's goals. This means getting off the computer and "doing" more than just "planning". This also means to be more honest with myself and really look at my emotions before reacting to situations.

I want to be more physically active, both to lower my weight/increase my positive health and to be more mindful of how I play with Mads. We both enjoy time spent sitting and doing crafts or reading, but it is important to remember the big world out there for us to explore together.

I want to take a few classes to give me an edge on my work force competition. Namely, a Spanish class, a Teacher's Aide class, and a Spanish for Educators class, all through the local school district's Adult Education.

Speaking of work, I plan to be working only hours that compliment when Mads is in kindergarten, come this Fall. I will be the one to drop him off to school, and I will be the one to pick him up when school lets out. In my mind, and in the reality I will make, that is the only option. If I work only the hours he is in school, that is perfect. If I work an evening shift and leave for work around dinner time, that is fine by me also. I will do what I have to do.

Which leads to me the feeling of limbo I am having. I will find out today or tomorrow when I start training for my new position as Courtesy Clerk at Grocery Store X. I am excited and very thankful for the new position. It brings a guaranteed 24 hours of work per week, weekly pay and schedule, and a new start since it has no relation to my current job. The pay is less, but the guaranteed time makes it worth it. Once I find out the training and schedule for G.S. X, I am also supposed to be calling the boss at the Pet Store and "we will go from there". Due to gossip from a source I thought could be trusted, and a few other hunches I have, my job is so on the line that I don't think I will be working there by this time next month. When I went in to get my paycheck on Saturday, I was sat down and talked to for half an hour. It is very obvious that she wants me to quit, and many times in our conversation she left it open for me to do so. She insulted my personal life (something that she found out through a no-longer-trusted-coworker is "disgusting" to her), and said she no longer sees the old enthusiasm I used to have. (That's what happens when you don't give your employees a schedule for 3 months and then expect them to do twice the work in half the time, all the while telling them that they are not worth what you pay them). I figured I was going to be fired outright, but instead everything is put off until I find out my 2nd job's work schedule. Then, in her words, "we will go from there". I plan to work there until she fires me. Plain and simple, I will put up with whatever is thrown at me because I need the money to meet my Fall goals.

I don't like not knowing how the bills will be paid this month, though. I don't like the uncertainty of not knowing if I will be working tomorrow. Today (and hopefully not tomorrow also) feel like the calm before the storm. This week I need to visit 4 elementary schools in preparation for the open enrollment that starts Friday. In less than 5 weeks, I will be in Florida for a family vacation, but I have not confirmed with the Grocery Store boss that I will be able to have the time off. (It was very briefly touched on during my interview, but with a fever of 103 that day, I didn't think to go into more detail.) On one hand, it would be nice to only have the Grocery Store job with it's hours and schedule, but we do need the money from both. That was the whole point. I don't like this feeling of powerlessness - not being able to do anything but wait and see how the next two days unfold.

I'm putting all of this down, stopping before I go off on much more of a tangent, and going to leave it. If all I can do is wait, I should use that time constructively, not just sitting and wringing my hands or fussing over details that are out of my control.


For my new job, I need black shoes, black pants, and a white collared shirt. While I do have all of these, my black shoes are heels, the black pants barely fit, and the shirt is close to see-through. Thank God for gift cards because once I find out when training is going to be, I'm some shopping to do.


Yesterday was Kei's and my 6th wedding anniversary. We celebrated by doing nothing out of the ordinary, though my parents brought us a pizza and a gift. If I had not been sick, and Mads had not been sick, and work had not been what it has become, we had tossed around the idea of me asking for the weekend off and then spending a day in the Bay or something. But I was sick and on doctor's orders to be off work and rest until Sunday. Then Mads became sick. Then, I was given the weekend off anyways. So we were home yesterday. But we were happy that Mad's fever was finally gone, as suddenly as it came. We sorted through my yarn stash, Kei did chores for us, Mads watched Pink panther cartoons and Totoro a few times. We all talked and laughed and bickered a tiny bit. We just went through the day without any plans. It would have been nice to go somewhere and do something, but it was just as nice to be home.

Also, I finally gave Mads what he's been asking for almost daily for a little while now - a mohawk. He had been wanting me to shave his head again for the last month but I kept putting it off. His hair was at the cute not-long-but-kinda-hedgehogish stage that I lovelovelove. He has such thick, perfect hair and grows the perfect tiny sideburns. I hate to cut it. But on New Year's Eve he saw a man with a mohawk and declared that that's what he wanted. Right then. Even though his temp was 102.8 and he only wanted to be carried or lay on the couch. Every morning since, he has asked if I would shave his hair into a hawk. The boy was determined, I tell you! (^_^)

The Before Shots:

And, the After Shots:

He's so hard to get a photo of sometimes! The last photo was actually taken by me having the camera ready and Kei suddenly pulling away the pillow Mads was hiding under (and laughingly taunting me, "You can't take my picture!".

Mad's is awake now and it seems a Grumpy Bug woke up with him, Lord help me, haha. But his fever is gone still, thank goodness. Maybe we will get out the paints today. Go buy some grapes after I take a shower and have an indoor picnic.

I might be in limbo, but I will make the most of it and enjoy the calm.